What’s Left

What’s Left

A new song I wrote tonight, with beats, ambiance and some instruments added, all on my hubby’s ipad using a garageband app. I’m proud of it for a first draft.

Here are the lyrics:

What’s Left
copyright Kymlee Kopera 2012
original registered works

Don’t let me down
I don’t want your bed of thorns
I’m already here
you cant shape me anymore
someday soon
I will fly on wings unmended
I’ll survive x2

I have given up my soul
I have given all my hope
to everyone that I have loved
I have given all of mine…x2

Black and blue
pretty colors of a scar
too bad you
didn’t know that is all we are
I have bled
now I am a dried up space
but I’m not dead! x2
I’m not dead!!!

I have given up my soul
I have given all my hope
to everyone that I have loved
I have given all of mine…x2

(I am whole x3)

I have given up my soul
I have given all my hope
to everyone that I have loved
I have given all of mine…x2

A New Identity…

It was an unexpected surprise to all… Saturday, the 17th of September, in the year… 2011

There was a slight breeze in the afternoon, blowing the spanish moss on that lone tree in the field where we said again we loved each other…

I looked into his eyes, and in front of four witnesses, I said the words that bound me to him forever.

My heart, my soul melded into his, and amongst the laughter…… the inside jokes and the banter of our officiant slash roomate, The Reverand Hoard, while my best friend that I named my brother and his mother who has accepted me as a surrogate daughter going on seven years now looked on, and our other roommate who we’ve dubbed our surrogate son videotaped our vows and antics…… there was meaning, there was purpose. Jason, my love, my life, became mine, and I his in the eyes of God, and the world, and I gained a new identity.

I have shed my old life, my old unfortunate love stories, and my surname, to move on with the life that I have come to know as truth and love and comfort with my husband. I married the man I always dreamed of but never thought I deserved and now my identity is not lost but newfound.

Awhile before we even met, I thought I may lose who I am by giving up my last name if ever I were to marry, I thought that maybe it would’ve been another thing stealing a part of me, but now that it’s happened, I am happy to share the last name of the man I love. To honor his family by accepting them into mine and recognizing the joining of our lives from two paths to one.

I am officially a Kopera. The elite group of people that are just as crazy wonderful as my own family. Who would have thought I’d ever fit in with another family so well!!!

So for all of my readers who are shocked by our sudden nuptials, be not afraid! We are going to have an actual wedding (it may not be tradtitional but still) but not until after we know what’s going on with the impending deployment. With all of the training and field work that Jason and his unit are doing in the months ahead, it will be impossible to plan a wedding before deployment. The schedule and the situation is too volatile and would most certainly turn into a disaster. Plus our family members are all up north, so it makes no sense to try and make them travel here, especially with a waivering time period. So instead of wait to be married, we did it now, for the fact that we love each other very much, we know that were going to get married in the future, and nothing was going to change that, and because we needed to take care of the legal aspects to help us through the deployment and to help us in planning our wedding etc.

That said, we do have some photos They aren’t professional but they document the happiest day of our lives thus far and that’s enough for me. Hope you enjoy these!

With Lots of Love and Happiness!

Kymlee & Jason Kopera

 

I never thought I’d get to say…

I am officially forever off the market. That’s right, yours truly is getting MARRIED!

Marriage… something I always considered taboo, didn’t think it was for me, didn’t think I’d ever find that kind of love in my life. You all know the story of Jason and I…  if not, read here:  My New Life 2011

okay now for the juicy details.

So Jay and I have this crazy love for old styles, like anywhere from the 20s to the 40s. So we had been searching everywhere for a cool place to go that was themed as such. Lo and Behold, we found this really cool 1920s speakeasy right in Savannah GA called “The House of Mata Hari’s” which is super secret because they kept true to the prohibition era secrecy of a real speakeasy. You can only get in to this place if ONE you have a key, two you get invited by a member who has a key. The address and the phone number are NOT listed anywhere on the internet. It took me weeks of digging and asking around to actually obtain an invite to this place, but we lucked out and got a personal invite the day that we wanted to go. (Last night actually, saturday the 30th)

So we get all jacked up in rented costumes from acme costumes, so he looks like a legit gangster and I got a flapper outfit, and we went to the speakeasy. We had another couple, our good friends, with us as well. So we have some drinks, listen to the live jazz singers and are thoroughly enjoying the atmosphere, and then Jason looks at me, and says ” Kymlee, I love you so much. This night is kind of a special night,” and then he gets down on one knee ( in front of everyone!)  and pulls out a small white box and I’m like WHAT!! Meanwhile our friends are taking video of me freaking out!

Needless to say, I said yes. The coolest part of this whole thing, is Jason and I had already planned on getting married, but I thought we weren’t going to do any of the fancy things, I figured we’d just end up picking out rings and then eventually announce it to everyone. I never get surprised (because I’m generally really hard to surprise) but man, I should have known better. He completely caught me off guard and I’m so happy that I was able to have that experience. I was smiling so hard my cheeks almost stayed that way! So here’s some photos

The ring… it’s perfect. Exactly what I wanted. A solitaire marquise cut on a white gold band. Perfect size and color/clarity… He really did his research!

This is us at The House of Mata Hari’s last night, with his celebratory cigar and classic martini. Such a great night.

So I’m so excited to be able to share the news with you all, and I will keep you updated on the wedding planning as we go, because it will most definitely be a DIY romantic affair. I am so glad that we can share our journey with you all. We are definite proof that love does happen, and always…. in the right time.

With love and great joy,

Kymlee

Walls: A Kymlee Original

I wrote another song folks, so cutting to the chase, here’s ny new song. Lyrics below. Hope y’all like it

Play it on my ReverbNation:

http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/artist/song_details/9620799

Walls
by Kymlee Murphy
copyright 2011

Didn’t I tell you?
Didn’t I tell you that I won’t leave?
Haven’t I been good, baby?
Showed you how strong I can be,
for you…for me?

Oh I’ve been so different
Because you’re my one.
I tried to get into your fortress
And now I’m just asking for entry!

Break your walls
Let me, break your walls down
Break these walls
Let me mend what your hiding from?

You tell me you want me
Until the end of time
But how can you expect me not to pry
When I love all that you are, even the parts that you hide!

Oh I’ve been so different
Because you’re my one.
I tried so hard to get into your fortress
And I’m asking for entry, just asking for entry!

Break your walls
Let me, break your walls down
Break these walls
Let me mend what your hiding from?

Break your walls
Break your walls
Break your walls
We all have walls
We all have walls….

Break our walls
Let us, break our walls down
Break these walls
Let us mend, what we’re hiding from

Let us mend…what we’re hiding from….

Let us mend…what we’re all hiding from….

With Love,

Kymlee

Welcome to Momma Kymlee’s Kitchen…….

So lately I’ve been obsessed with cooking. Since I moved to Georgia into my current home I got that bug to cook and cook and bake and cook some more. Originally I moved in with my good friend and her husband and now, because they are newly stationed in Texas, Jason and I took over the apartment. My friend left me some goodies in the cupboards and cabinets that she didn’t want/need and I’ve since filled the gaps with more pots and pans and kitchen utensils and seasonings. I want to say at this point my most favorite cooking item is the cast iron skillet that my friend gave me. It’s the perfect pan for EVERYTHING. Just the right size and depth…. sigh

Anywho, so I’ve been making a lot of dishes from scratch, some old family recipes, and some recipes with a personal twist. I didn’t really realize how much I love cooking, and how much I love making things off the top of my head. I never used to be good at getting the timing down pat, but now my timing is near perfection. Practice must make perfect after all.

Tonight, I made two maple bourbon pork tenderloins pre-marinated, with a maple syrup and butter sauce coupled with loaded mashed potatoes, and a mixed vegetable medley in a lemon butter and creole seasoning sauce. It came out very good, I fed 5 people with a bit leftover, and it was very hearty. I’m coming to realize that my cooking style is actually very hearty. Like momma’s homemade cooking. Thus creating the title of this entry (giggle.) I also know that my cooking isn’t necessarily the healthiest, seeing as I’m a carboholic. I like heavy foods, I like my friends and family to be full when they’re done. There’s not much more comforting than a full stomach and good company. The clinking of silverware and glasses with laughter and good conversation makes for a warm and inviting home in my opinion.

Last night, I made my version of pepper steak with garlic potatoes and corn. Can I just say I love Worcestershire Sauce. (AMAZING) Keeps all that yummy juice in the beef tips. Yummy! and also the fresh green peppers with my montreal steak seasoning? incredible.
Speaking of fresh green peppers… My mom’s Stuffed Peppers are to DIE for. One of the recipes I will use forever! Nothing says I love meat like a bell pepper stuffed with a hamburger and rice ball covered in a scrumptious tomato sauce. Jason happens to really love that one.

One of my favorite dishes is actually a pasta dish called Creamy Chicken Piccata, which is my step-mom’s famous family recipe. It’s the perfect blend of lemon, and creamy consistency over egg noodles. omg. I could talk about food forever. Now that I work from home for the time being, I have much more time to experiment with my kitchen, and it makes me very very happy. I also love entertaining so cooking for a small army doesn’t bother me one bit. As long as everyone is fed and I keep seeing their empty plates at the end of the night, I feel accomplished. So I have been newly dubbed as Momma Kymlee…

“Come on ova hea and get chu some dinnah!”

With love and a happy tummy,

Kymlee

More fun in Soundcloud land

So here are two more songs I’ve done a rough recording of for your critiquing pleasure… Lyrics and players below. Same deal as before, go to the sidebar and press pause on the automatic player, then you can play each track on this entry individually…

First song I wrote for my guy… It’s funny how much two people can go through in their separate lives and still be able to come together and make something good. It really puts a smile on my face because it affirms that among the pain and the suffering we all go through, there is hope for Love and companionship, there is hope for a better future if we stick through it and continue to believe that we can all find what we’re looking for.

To You
by Kymlee Murphy
copyright 2011 Kymlee M Murphy and affiliates

Look at you,
You wear life so well
Still have it in you to make me smile
After all the hurt you’ve been through
After all the times they let you down….

And can I stay?
Can I say
How you have made me wanna,
You make me wanna…

Run to you (3x)
I wanna run to you

You were broken,
But tied the cloth around your heart
Still gave me the strength to stand up tall
Even when my world was torn in two
When you told me” baby, I love you!”

And can I stay?
Can I say
How you have made me wanna, (wanna)
You make me wanna…

Run to you (3x)
I wanna run to you

(instrumental break)

Run to you (3x)
I wanna run to you

Second song is something I wrote about finding peace, and quieting your mind. In a world of stress and instant gratification, can we stay true to ourselves, and not be lost in the throws of wearing our many masks? Can we even figure out who we are, or are we all chameleons waiting for the next opportunity to change everything about ourselves. Do we please everyone around us? Or do we please ourselves, and still make others happy? Does it really matter? Will we reach for the things we desire, and work hard for them? Appreciate them? Will we allow ourselves to enjoy life in every facet….

Rest
by Kymlee Murphy
copyright 2011 Kymlee M Murphy and affiliates

Hopeless as the sun
Trying to be the the moon
To be someone
Other than the one I am…
Oh I feel childish,
Chasing dreams all over the world again
And again

Till I find the peace
Till I find the peace
And lay my mind to rest
Lay my mind to rest

Always running faster
Trying to get somewhere
Is the end in sight
Can I give up fighting yet
I’m wandering alone
Am I made for this?!
Will it ever stop?
Someone make it stop!
No, not until I find that peace…

Till I find peace
Till I find the peace
And lay my mind to rest
Lay my mind to rest

I need peace in my heart
and I need peace in my heart

Hopeless as the sun
Trying to be the moon
To be someone
Other than the one I am
And I felt childish
Chasing my every dream
All over the world again
All over the world again

And I found peace
Till I found that peace
I lay my mind to rest
I laid my mind to rest
I find peace in resting

Hope you all enjoy my messages, and maybe even the music that accompanies them. Hope to hear some good constructive feedback. I really want to get good material for my second album this year, and I am more than honored to let my readers and friends help me with them, seeing as the music and the messages are for you just as much as they are for me. I prefer a fully interactive relationship with my friends and fans and readers and pretty much everyone in my life because it is so enriching to me to have that kind of a bond with others…

With so much love and gratitude,

Kymlee

Reflections: a Kymlee original

I wrote this song yesterday after playing with the melody for a few weeks. This topic has really been on my heart lately. I think we should all really take the time to love the life we’re in. Even though we are overwhelmed by the craziness that surrounds us, this is OUR LIFE, our story. Without all of our experiences, we wouldn’t have anything to offer. All the good, and all the bad and all that in between is what makes us beautiful. I hope you all enjoy… You will want to pause the sidebar widget and press play on this player. Lyrics below.

Reflections

by Kymlee Murphy

copyright 2011

Being young and innocent, is not all its supposed to be… I am so much better now, with all that’s behind me.
Lessons learned and overcome, life it’s beautiful. I am so much stronger now, in all the things I’ve done.

Going faster in the wind,
Time it slips on by…
Give me love so I will live
Give me wings to fly.

Knowing when to stop it all, knowing when to smile. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, know it’s worth the while…
Journey here and there as well, I am all that I have been, and in the darkness I can see, the healing light gets in.

Faith is only steps away
When we don’t know what is true
Give me hope so I believe
Don’t let me be a fool
(Don’t let me be a fool)

(instrumental break)

And I’m going faster in the wind
Time it slips on by…
Give me love so I can live
Give me wings to fly
(2x)
Oh give me wings to fly (2x)
Give me wings to… fly

With Love and Life,

Kymlee

Agnostic Truth

I am Agnostic. The first time I really decided to declassify myself as a Christian was sometime in 2010. I really haven’t held a denomination in quite a few years, but for some unknown reason, I found that I was not letting go of my Christian status, and I think it was out of fear for making the wrong choice subconsciously. I know now that my fear of being decisive was unfounded and kind of silly.

I want to talk a little bit about my choice and a little bit about part time religious folks. This has really been weighing on my heart lately, and I was talking to a good friend of mine about this specifically today.

I was raised in a born again christian household, which did a lot for developing my moral character and core values. I would say my parents did a pretty good job with raising me in a safe and loving environment for the most part and a lot of this had to do with their beliefs and experience. We went to church, and we were heavily involved. Our first church my father was involved in the worship team as the drummer, and also helped with the youth groups. My father is an excellent motivational speaker and really enjoyed being involved with the youth especially. When my parents divorced my mother continued to go to that church, (and years later would switch to some others before finally finding one she could call home), and my father went on to another church which was run by two former members of the original church. There, my father continued to be a Youth Pastor and one of the primary Worship team members. In those years, we experience much of the joys of fellowship and the drama that normally follows a large group of holier than thous. From childhood to adolescence I started to realize who people really were. I understood hypocrisy to the tee, and I was largely unimpressed with the sunday morning saints and the lives that they portrayed as reality when in fact, the lives were just as dysfunctional as the rest of us. This is where my faith in religion completely dwindled. Notice how I said my faith in RELIGION… My faith in God has never wavered. I’ve had moments of why and misunderstandings, but I know in my heart that there’s a plan for me and for everyone else. I know that I can’t possibly look around me and deny that something exists beyond our comprehension.

This leads me to my choice. I had and still have a very hard time declaring myself to a religion that continually proves to spawn out part time, in your face, judgmental and delusional people. When someone tells me they’re a “christian” it now automatically rings off warning bells in my head, because usually that’s followed by a whole slew of why they are the exemplary human specimen and a bunch of other show-offy behavior. Guess what. I don’t give a hoot how holy you think you are. Your actions towards others will determine in my mind how righteous you are, because those bible verses you keep spouting off only show me that you have great cognitive sensory function, and that’s about it.

• Show me how non-judgmental you are by not looking down your nose at that bum on the corner without knowing his or her story…
• Show me how generous you are by giving without saying a word, thinking no one is looking.
•  Show me that you are compassionate by giving someone a chance to explain or apologize for mistakes they have made instead of holding a grudge.
•  Show me how humble you are by admitting your mistakes and learning from them instead of pretending that you don’t make them or pretending like you’ve learned something because you keep going to confessional for the same thing every week.

In fact, don’t just show me. Show the world.

Also, don’t judge me on my walk with God because you know what, I’m not in it for you. I don’t need to show off how amazing I am because I pray out loud in tongues in front of a congregation, or because I pull out my bible and read and pray for everyone to see. My walk with God is intimate, my faith is for my heart to know. As for teaching others about God, I will teach others about faith, love, compassion, generosity, kindness, strength and more by living my life applying those things on a daily basis. I don’t need to preach about them, I don’t need to tell others what they should be doing. Everyone’s walk with God is different and in their own time they will discover what rings true in their hearts.

So honestly all of you out there trying to measure other people on what level they’re at in choosing to communicate with God is completely unnecessary and pretentious.

I choose to be Agnostic because I believe that the absolute truth is only known to those who seek it without their blinders on. Whether you’re Wiccan, Buddhist, Christian, Mormon, Catholic, Atheist, etc, your choices are to either live a life that is filled with lessons learned and good intention, or to live a life filled with hate and misdeeds. No matter the religion, you are required to uphold the values and the level of HUMANITY that we have all possessed since birth. We KNOW what is right, and we KNOW what is wrong. It is there completely without environmental influence. The basic instinct of survival and the need for love and acceptance to give and receive are imbedded in us all.

The truth is waiting for you to accept something other than the impossible standards set by men and their agenda.

If you want truth, there is no agenda, there just IS.
With all of my Love and Faith in the people,

Kymlee

Love the little children

“They say the meek shall inherit the earth, but all I see are the helpless crushed by the wheel of Man.”

-Subrosa “The Inheritance”

I wrote a song a couple of years ago about child abuse called “Little Hands” that I have not yet recorded. It was very raw and very open about how deeply I feel about the reality of child abuse, what a child feels when they are being abused, and how often it happens. Here are the lyrics

Little Hands

by: Kymlee Murphy

copyright 2009

Verse One

Anger, knocked at your door. You are afraid when he comes.

Little hands, grabbing the chair, you wonder which one will be there.

Failsafe, two little boys, look to you for their salvation

Little girl, welcome the world… Find a new way of protection

Now…

Bridge

You can feel that you’re safe now

Look forward to all of your days now

Listen to the sounds in your head now

The symphony has just begun…

Chorus

I will not sleep tonight

give you all of your dreams

and hide all the screaming

I’ll be you’re warmth tonight

Little hands can hold me…

Little hands can hold me

Little hands have told me tales of the night…

(hush)

Verse Two

Time passed, shattered like glass, mirrors they speak they all lie

Little lapse, sifting through ash. They beat you again till you die inside…

Anger, knocked at your door, you aren’t afraid, he comes in

Little hands, grabbing that gun, This time it’s all gonna end!

Now…

Bridge

You can feel that you’re safe now

Look forward to all of your days now

Listen to the sounds in your head now

The symphony has just begun…

Chorus

I will not sleep tonight

give you all of your dreams

and hide all the screaming

I’ll be you’re warmth tonight

Little hands can hold me…

Little hands can hold me

Little hands have told me tales of the night…

(hush)

In honor of Child Abuse Prevention Month, I’d like to say that I will record this song this year and release it by 2012. Whether it will be on my new album, or a single EP, I am not sure,  but half of any proceeds made from the sale of this song will go to stopping child abuse and healing those children who have had to endure abuse from the people who should have been taking care of them.

To read more about the statistics of child abuse, check out the post by my friend over at  The Quiet Voice

Thank you for reading, and thank you to all of you out there helping to support this very real and very necessary cause.

Some good books to read that speak about child abuse and the scars it leaves behind are:

A Child Called It- by Dave Pelzer

“A touching story of Mr. Pelzer’s journey through his childhood and the tribulations he suffered and the repercussions he has dealt with for the entirety of his life until present day. A must read and a tear jerking true story.”

-Kymlee’s personal review

The Unbreakable Child- by Kim Michele Richardson

“Describing her life through adulthood and the decision to finally expose the injustices after more than 30 years, this courageous tale chronicles the lawsuit initiated by 45 survivors, the two years of litigation and the first successful prosecution of a lawsuit against Roman Catholic sisters in the United States for decades of abuse in an orphanage.”

- Review by Mary Daugherty  (see the full review HERE)

Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect- by Cynthia Crosson-Tower

“I found the Crosson-Tower text to be superior in both breadth and depth of the topics covered. Combined with the positive responses I have received from my students I would not consider using any other text.”

- William M. McGuigan, Pennsylvania State University
(link unavailable, review listed at bottom of Amazon.com product info)

With all my Love and a bleeding heart for the children all over the world who are suffering,

Kymlee

Life Lessons

Ok… So I’m sitting in my new living room, hanging out with my love,  Jason and my girl Des. We just finished a killer breakfast compliments to Chef Des for that scrumdiddlyumptious meal, and now we’re watching tv and all of us on our laptops (which is kinda funny…) and I couldn’t be happier.

oh yea, I didn’t tell you yet.

I moved to Georgia.

So here’s the deal, I told VH1 to kick rocks. Actually, I told the individual that I was supposed to meet to kick rocks, who was a rep for VH1. To recap what happened, I moved to Florida to chase my musical ambition, and I was supposed to be recording my second album. This individual named “Tango” was supposed to meet me on 6 different occasions, 6 of which he had said “I’m on my way now,” or “I’ll be there in 10-15 minutes” or “I’m coming tonight” or “Can you come to the studio tonight? Pack an overnight bag…” or some other arrangement of leading statements that would make a reasonable person believe and PLAN for this person to follow through with those statements, because honestly, who actually mindfucks someone like that?!

So Tango failed to come through on 6 consecutive meetings over the course of 2 months. That’s 6 too many. So I left him a nasty voicemail, my friend called his manager and bitched them both out and you can bet your ass that when I get to where I need to get on my own, I’m gonna continue to put his lazy, lying ass on blast. I don’t care if I’m a nobody now to you, that doesn’t mean that I’m not worth an explanation or your time. But this is neither here nor there, I made the decision to not wait for someone who can’t keep his commitments. I was raised to always keep my word because your word and your character is all you have.

So I left Florida behind but not without some more crazy hassles. My employer slash business partner decided to steal from me. He owed me 2,000 dollars for 2 months of work, plus back pay for investment into a WiFi connector and a laptop. So it rounded out to be about 2,300.00 total. He decided that I was stupid, and had no way to force him to pay me, and tried to steal my laptop on top of everything else. Well he didn’t realize that I 10-99′d myself in case he tried to screw me over (because I’m smart like that teehee) and he also didn’t realize that I’m a crazy bitch. I’m the last person you ever want to steal from. I am persistent and I’m not afraid to use my every resource… including the police. So we pressed charges and because of the amount stolen from theft of services plus the 1600 dollar laptop my case was put in the Grand Theft category. He subsequently returned the laptop. Now all I need is to get the money he owes me and I will be a happy camper. Which brings me to my next topic…

What the hell happened to honor?

Why is it that there are so many people out there who take advantage of those of us who are loyal, caring, responsible and generous?
I put gas in this guy’s car when he didn’t have the money to be able to do it because it was tied up in lease agreements for our club, I bought the guy food when he didn’t have anything, and I let him use my personal electronics for business purposes. I don’t understand why it is that people who take care of others constantly get taken for a ride. If someone was there for me, someone had my back, then I would do everything in my power to make sure they were taken care of. I would show them gratitude, I would never steal from them.

So I moved to Georgia, and I’m so happy here. I’m surrounded by people I love and who love me, and while I’m fighting this legal battle, at least I’m in a better situation with support from friends and family and of course my Jason. I don’t know what I’d do without my circle of support.

So there’s a momentary update, I hope everyone else is doing well these days.

With all my love and thoughts,

Kymlee